Who.


„Who” made me love

It’s said that love is blind. It’s a good thing I was wearing glasses for four years until I knew that I loved someone. It’s said in love and war everything is permitted. It’s a good thing I haven’t fought in any wars and I haven’t loved before to know what can I do or can’t do. Many things are said about love. I’m not writing the things that are being said. I’m writing about those that I haven’t been able to talk about. Like my first love, my first I love you, my first passionate kiss that made me forget my name and caught me completely off guard. It’s about the things, the actions and the woman that transformed my DNA from a boy to a growing man. To answer my own question, she made me love, the first woman that made me shiver, made me question if the cold has gotten to me or the emotions are to visible that I can’t control them. She made me realize what kind of a boy am I and what kind of a man I can be. I haven’t got the grasp of this whole man thing but I know that „Who” made me love, changed my perception of how love is, how love can be. „Who” made me love is until this day a complete mystery. I don’t know her, although I have met her more than once. I don’t know who she was, although we shared memories that shouldn’t be there. I don’t know who she is now, although I have seen her being herself, doing what she feels makes her happy. It doesn’t matter who she is, out of the many women that I have met, befriended, trusted and disappointed, she could be my first or my last woman. But „Who” made me love is the kind of woman you want to grow old with when you are in love and the kind of woman you would want every man to meet so you wouldn’t be the only one to have met such a miracle. „Who” made me love could be reading this and feel proud or curse the day she made me shiver. „Who” made me love, made me grow each day.

„What” made me love

It’s said that you love her eyes, her smile. True. You can love her eyes or her smile, or both. Or none and still love her. „What” made me love was the simple fact that she was there, it didn’t matter if I belong to her or she belongs me. The fact that I saw her and I forgot my name, I forgot that I wasn’t good enough, that I forgot to be smart, had no value whatsoever. What she meant to me was the only thing worthwhile, the only thing I knew about her. Before her I have seen hundreds of beautiful smiles and thousands of gorgeous eyes. After her, many more smiles followed and countless eyes made me forget my name. It wasn’t those, even though I kept making her laugh and every time she looked at me, I felt like a new born baby. It wasn’t her body, even though I couldn’t find a single blemish or flaw to make her feel human. She was the woman you draw in your dreams. So it wasn’t that. The single fact that she existed was the most important thing about her and that made me love. I loved her for several years now, she transformed over the years into another girl that appeared to be a woman. And every time I want her near me, she simply smiles and makes everything be like day one. „What” made me love still makes me believe that I love each and every day.

„When” did I started to love

It’s said that love starts from your first heart beat and ensues until your very last. That’s a mother’s love, that’s a child’s love for his mother. But „when” I started to love, I kept thinking this must be love, a strange feeling when you don’t care about time, about cold, about your fears, about your limits. „When” you start to love, the Sun sets when she falls asleep and the Moon rises just for you, to help you keep watch over her sleep, just like in the stories you stop believing after you grow up. „When” you start to love, you think that everything you couldn’t do now is very possible of doing, just because besides you and her, nothing else exists. „When” you start to love, you stop time in that very second she kisses you and wish the entire night could last for eons. But, it doesn’t and you start to pray for another kiss and you count seconds, minutes, days, years. „When” you start to love, time helps you heal from „what” made you love and cures from „who” made you love. Time becomes a wizard that shows you to go straight ahead and keep your love from the past as a guidance for your next true love. „When” you start to love, you grow old with that love, even though she keeps changing, getting younger, more beautiful and more challenging for you. „When” you start to love, you want time to stop so you can love her everyday like it was your first day.

„Where” did I started to love

It’s said that love has no boundaries. You can love your childhood crush, living a block from you or you can fall in love half a planet away from home. But „where” I started to love was on a bench, on some cold stairs, in her bed, in my bed, in the park, in the street, in the cold, in the night, in the rain. „Where” I started to love was that single place that me and her could stop and look each other in the eye and make the world revolve around us without caring. Where I first felt like a baby in her arms, like a man holding her in my arms, like a clown making her laugh, like a prince having her hand to the dance, like a cook having her on the kitchen table. Where was everywhere I was transformed by her. „Where” I loved her was in a nice tea place being like a teacher for her, like a muse for me, „where” I loved was everywhere we met and felt that we have known each other before time even existed. „Where” I started to love was the first time I said I love you and felt that all of my sins were forgiven. „Where” I started to love is the exact same place I wish to meet her when I want her to by mine again for one day.

„Why” did I started to love

It’s said that if you can find a reason why you love someone, you are not truly in love. It’s said that love is a matter of the heart and not of the mind. But „why” I started to love is baffling for me after so many years. Why should I love her if she is too good for me, why should I love her if she is too young for me, why should I love her if she loves him and not me. Those were normal questions my mind asked, and my heart forgot to answer every single time. Why do I torment myself loving her if I know love shouldn’t be searched for, like you search a treasure chest. Why do I keep fooling myself that my mind can answer love’s questions or that love can make my mind find peace with the answer that were given by her. „Why” I started to love is just as simple as asking why do you live, why do you breath, why do you call yourself a man or a woman. „Why” I started to love was the challenge I wanted for my mind but forgot to train the heart for such a beating. And the funny thing is, my heart still wants me to love, to ask questions about love just to see if my mind can hold it anymore. „Why” I started to love is just as simple as asking you why do you love yourself or her. Why does love hurt if it means happiness, why does love lasts for so little of it’s called eternal love, why does love costs so much if it’s free of charge, you just give and receive. „Why” did I started to love if I didn’t know how to stop from loving afterwards. „Why” did I started to love her if I knew I couldn’t stop loving her like I did every single day.

“How” did I managed to love

It’s said that love is the answer to all things. But in my case, love was the question to begin with and is the only thing still responsible for my happiness. So, “how” I managed to love is a complete mystery to this day. It took me a „who”, a „what”, a „when”, a „where”, a „why” but in the end it took only my heart to start all of this and to continue until all the questions will be answered, all the answers were been given, all of me will find peace, all of her offer true meaning to my life. “How” I managed to love is the last question I want to answer when I’ll give my final breath of love on my last day. With her, my true love.

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